Traditional Reindeer Racing Is Delighting Spectators In Frigid Finland

Deer readers, I have just returned from the Finnish line, and I must say the experience was simply un-be-reindeer-ble.

Let me set the scene. It was cold. Not a little cold. Lapland-of-luxury cold, where your eyelashes freeze and your opinions harden. I asked a local if it was always this chilly and he said, “Snow problem.” I have been thinking about it ever since.

The racers lined up at the start, antlers high, hooves stamping with antler-cipation. A man next to me said the favorite was a big buck named Thunder, and I told him the buck stops here, and he moved three seats away. Some people just can’t handle the reins of a conversation.

Then they were off. Dashing? Absolutely. Prancing? Constantly. Vixen-level drama on the final turn? You bet your sleigh. One reindeer pulled ahead so fast the crowd went wild, and I can only describe his performance as elk-cellent, even though I have been told repeatedly that elk are a different animal.

I tried to interview the winner afterward. He just stared at me. Fair enough. He had nothing to prove; he had already sleighed the competition. His trainer told me he eats nothing but lichen, and honestly I lichen him more for it.

Critics will say reindeer racing is a niche sport. To them I say: don’t be so cold-hearted. Not every sport has to be football. Some of us prefer our athletes with a little more hoof and a little less huff.

So the next time you’re in Finland, skip the sauna, grab a seat trackside, and let the reindeer rein supreme. You’ll have a deer-lightful time. And if anyone tells you these puns are too much, tell them to moose along.

Tommy Pun is a FAQS News columnist. He has been asked to stop.