Breaking Headlines, Breaking News.™

Sotomayor picks up more GAP support

admin — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 05:34:16 +0000

Washington, DC – Congressional hearings went again behind close doors and mainly focused on the major points of how Sotomayor picks up more GAP support. “The old bras just weren’t doin it.. nada,” She continued, “It’s as if a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders once the GAP support was put in place, I’m thinking it was a wise move by a wise Latina.”

More hearing details should follow…

>>>First Served

Tue, Aug 4, 2009 The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

admin — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 05:26:27 +0000

Daily Show – Thursday July 30th

admin — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 05:44:00 +0000

Japanese ‘robot suit’ to help disabled

admin — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 04:15:33 +0000

TOKYO, JAPAN – Researchers from the land of all-things-robot-rock have designed a suit that helps people kick ass more effectively. It’s not unlike the fabled Robo-Cop suit, but with less bulk and cute branding joints where one can buy accessories like the popular Toyota Scion.

‘It just better” Sata Fukayama Oh, ‘Suit give you power, power up, go on, punch, kick, no more trouble from landlord.”

The suit should become available to American’s in time for the Christmas season, another trend catching on in Japan.

Original report via Telegraph UK

Scare at New York City’s LaGuardia Airport

admin — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 13:24:03 +0000

Police bomb squad arrests man ‘just acting crazy’ who entered terminal of New York City’s LaGuardia airport with a fake bomb in his bag. He was dressed head to toe in an off color suit with question marks all around it stating the benefits of government refunds.

The only question his agent must be wondering at this point, is why did he change the marketing speak from ‘This is great” to a flurry of TV success, “This is the bomb” and go walking around an airport.

It appears we have more questions to be answered. An captain in control of the situation said, “Loon gone loco, what do you want – only in New York.” Planes should be scheduled to return to regular hours by this afternoon.

How Fake News Works

admin — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 02:01:58 +0000

Too many clunkers, too little cash

admin — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 05:04:34 +0000

Cupertino, CA – The “Cash for Clunkers” rebate system ran out of gas in apparent record time as American lawmakers for got to exclude “Hotwheels” from the congressional buyout. “This is really a double-sword as on one hand it’s great that it helped people thus far, but B. are the old hotwheels going to scrap yard? Well, because if that’s the case, that’s utter bullsh*t.” -Car Czar, Jamie Farr.

Weighs to avoid checked luggage fees

admin — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 20:20:50 +0000

DULLES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT – Weighs to avoid checked lugged fees.

1. weight your wife
2. weight your kid
3. weigh your pet
4. weigh same luggage twice
5. tell the attendant they “already weighed that”
6.run

Big Rally on Wall Street

admin — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 19:38:03 +0000

WALL STREET – New Yorkers haven’t seen this much pandemonium since the Stay Pufft Marshmallow man invaded Manhattan and our sovereign world was challenged by Gosar and his minions. This time it’ll take more than ghostbusters and simple “crossing of the streams” to get rid of “Big Rally.” When asked why Rally wouldn’t leave Wall Street today, he stated, “I don’t answer to no one.” New York has a big problem on it’s hands as Rally just might be the biggest brat on the East Coast…

White House beer might help nation chill

admin — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 19:23:49 +0000

Washington, DC The nation’s problems might all be solved or are just beginning for America’s teeming masses lining up to try the African brewed White House beer called, “Chiller Chill.”